processing mode

EMO MODE...'tis man so sad. I wont tell you why.(sniff2x). My not so ever reliable below average level brain seems to reject the thoughts. Heart seems to be numb. Both (brain and heart) is on the processing and loading mode.

Can someone "shut me down"? or I just need to "log off"? "switch user" is not an option though...

Why oh why? I need to feel, hurt or whatever it is, but I cant because my stupid mind rejects the thoughts. Now, mind and heart works in unison. They are working against me, or should I say, they are not workin?....

'tis should not be happening. aint nothin can do but cry. tears slowly run down my not so nice face. (which I thought I had before). loosing my confidence which I thought I have reach its all time high(but at good point). Self esteem is broken. Soul is broken....

Blurry thoughts, undefiable feeling, a blank face, and a plain white smile, not fake just plain white smile. Please my dear senses work for me. Please dear brain work now....

Coffee on the table seems no taste. It dont even awaken any senses which is very unusual. I thought I could trade anythin for coffee.... Thats only what I thought....

I dont need someone to listen. I dont even need someone to cry with me. I just need someone to know that Im not ok....

I dont need anybody now. Moreso that dont need someone who will tell me what to do. I dont need it, because I might end up doing nothing and that would be useless.... just like me...


ME on the processing mode................

echoes of the heart

Long and winding journey it is.

Road seems so dark.

I have nothin but YOU.

only you , you and you...

If the whole universe seems to be against you?

Whats the best thing to do?

Is giving-up an option?

Or continue fighting on your own?

I have nothin but you.

Just stay and be true.

On your promise Im holding on...

Keep it on. Keep it on....

Im holding on you, but please hold me too...

Guide me as I walk with you.

Sing for me as I dance for you..

Be with me as I wanna be with you...

the promise of tomorrow is unknown

I cant answer it by my own..

Be with me and let us see

Of whats the future is in store for you and me..

Lets hold hand and walk together

Say our promise to be forever.

You and me we're meant to be.

You and me and forever will be....

ONE HEART ( the RECON experience)

at long last. RECON na!!!! October 1-3, 2010 is the day I had been waiting for. I badly needed this for I really need spiritual nourishment. I am starting to feel spiritual drought, I am starting to feel emptiness. I need something I dont know. I badly needed it....

With so much excitement for no concrete reasons at all, I attended the RECON. I feel that theres someone calling me. I am starting to hear. I am starting to feel.

I had so much questions to ask. I am needing an answer. I badly need it.

Thursday, September 30 we had our upper household at Lions Den. Final instructions and final preparations. Our parents, our Chapter coordinator Tito Lowell and Tita Inday had their final reminders. Division of batches kasi hindi kami pwedeng magsabay sabay because of our work schedule. all in all there were three batches. the first batch will be leave at 4 am, next will be in the afternoon and the next will be on saturday morning. I was on the first batch.

Walang tulog. 4 am ang aming call time. lucky enough and with ONE HEART wala ng nalate which is napakadalang mangyari na maging on time kaming lahat...

The travel

On the bus.... Ate emz and me prayed togethere. Prayed for a safe trip and prayed to prepare our hearts for the conference....

While traveling, I am figuring out whats in store for me. Am I really called to be there? Am I ready with pure heart?

The travel was good. A beautiful and perfect setting of landscape and seascape. on our left were beautiful mountains, countless rivers, vast ricefields. And on our right is the perfect seascape. The sea and the ocean. The horizon, a point where the water seems to kiss the blue sky. I pause and stared the horizon with amazement... Just like HIS love, its never ending..., thats what pop up at the back of my backless mind...

At around 10 am or so, we arrived at the venue. The Binirayan Sports Complex. Aha!!! we are I guess the first one to arrive. Nauna pa kami sa Registration committee. We decided to go to Gaisano Mall and had our lunch...

At 12:oo noon, padami na nag padami ang attendees.

At almost 2:00 pm the Conference started. The competitions started. We joined the amazing race and we won. Group effort and Team work is what made us won but more than the bragging rights of being the Amazing Race champion, its the thought and memories that we shared together that I would always remember. The runs, the tasks, the rides and I guess the Sibuyas and Pipino shake with no sugar or milk will top the list....

THE TALKS AND WORKSHOPS

GREAT!!! would be one word on how I could describe the talks. great topics, great speakers, great sharers. Everyone and everybody is great. HE is GREAT, all the time.

The Great topics were 1. A heart made for God. 2. Heart wired to Christ 3.Heart to Heart 4.One Heart for JESUS. and the workshop I attended is The best 3 Hours. With me in the workshop are Ng Angga, April, Ate Emz, Des, Eugene.

The talks and the workshops is what I am always looking forward when attending the SFC activities.

In these RECON my question were answered. He answered. I was so lucky and blessed that I attended. Im glad that I accepted HIS invitation. Im glad that I listed to HIS call.

HE and the recon taught me so much. HE tought me to have Absolute Trust in Him, Complete Dependence on HIM and Total Surrender on HIM. Thanks my Lord. Thank you for the answer...

with humility and humble heart, I COMMIT and I ACCEPT. still guide me LORD. still blessed me. I am not relying on my human capacity to fulfill my promise to you. I am relying, trusting and surrendering everything on YOU. YOU is the POWER. With my heart I offer my life...

I laugh, I listened, I sang (kahit sintunado), I danced, I praised, I glorify solely for my Lord. I never think of myself while doing this unlike before. I dont care how I look like. All I know is Im doing what my heart says. I am doing to express not to impress. Im showing my LOVE and PRAISE...

SATISFIED and ANSWERED. LOVED AND CARED. theres so much to share. so much to write about my overflowing RECON experience. this space would not be enough. But to sum it up HE ANSWERED. he cleared my mind and my heart. He took all the worries. I am ready to face another life with great strenght. Im ready to share and ready to be his child again. I Commit. I renewed.... with HIS guidance and power I know I will and I would....

THE TRAVEL BACK HOME

at 3 pm we leave San Jose antique. me and des started recited our prayer. with us are Bros and sis from South Negros bound for Boracay.

at the bus I was seated with sis des and sis Susane. We had our mini concert. the three of us is the star performer and the three of us at the same time is the ever loyal fans and audience. hahahah

I dunno kung anong oras na kami nakarating, we just had our dinner and had our seperate ways...

i sleep around 12 pm and woke up the next day at 11 am. i blogged and shared this... i had to fix myself and go out for a late brunch(?) and early dinner perhaps. then sleep again and be ready again for a work tomorrow.....

with so much love... thank you