hit me big time

Tomorrow will be a special day. Well i hope so. I will be a year older and time for me to get depressed once more. I just don't know why I am like this every time my birthday comes.

No plans at all. I just don't know how my birthday will go. Maybe it would be just like any ordinary day. No special in short. Perhaps I will just celebrate it alone and reflect to what had happened to me for the past 25 years and prepare myself for another year for me to get depressed, again

Jailed. That's how I feel. Prisoned to the things I am doing. Lock in the place I don't want to, and be with people that don't understands me. Maybe they do. Maybe they pretend that they understands me. Really. Maybe they pretend that they know me. Maybe I just believe in them. Pretend that I believe in them. The hell I care though. Life must go on....

I feel that I want to end this. I'm up to it. Enough???! Suicide? Hell No, the sweetest way to commit suicide is to endure all the pains while living. For me that's best. And It works a bit. A piece of me is dying gradually....

I'm dead. Part of me to be exact. A piece of me is not me anymore. I killed myself, part of myself. I killed myself for me to be reborn. Killed myself so a new me will be appreciated by people, and even not. Enough to those times of trying my best to show my best. Enough to it. Ill just be the REAL me. The RIGHTEOUS me. Who cares if you don't like the real me though. Do i like you? hahahahaha. Perhaps Ill just do whatever I think is right. Enough of thinking other people. Ill just think of myself, for a happy me. Selfish it may sound but I swear its not. You wont agree? then maybe you too is selfish.....

Enough of Enough...

Life must go on....

It would only stop if the hell and heaven closes...

Enough of dramas,

Enough of this blog....

My Gawad Kaling Experience

Recently I and some of my brothers and sisters in Singles For Christ Boracay had voluntered in a Gawad Kalinga Project (GK) ( a housing project) in Fatima New Washington here in Aklan. It is the first project of its kind here in our province spearheaded by the Gawad Kalinga Foundation and Couples for Christ and its sub-communities.

Im still in euphoria even though few days had passed when I voluntered in such project and still looking forward of coming back to such place. As everybody know, I work on a graveyard shift and few minutes after I got home, I just had a quick fix of myself and proceded to the meeting place we agreed upon. we arrive in the site a bit late for it took more than two hours to travel to the site from boracay. (not to mention, we stop by the towns market to buy food for our lunch) After we turned over to Tita Zen our foods for cooking, we started what we planned to do. Its almost 11 am i guess and our skin hates the sun. Hay sayang ata yong gluta and silka( free ads hehehehe). A volunter even shared a story that a certain volunter told themjokingly na ang one year nyang pinaghirapang magpaputi sa isang araw lang sa GK project umitim na. hahahahaha. So after an hour or two, we had our lunch in an improvised table. We had also our improvised glass made of soda bottles. See, Filipinos can survive anywhere. We had a great food. Its like a fiesta, everything is serve in the table and you can really feel the spirit of sharing from everyone.

It is a realization on my part that indeed Im so blessed. I could eat at least 3 meals a day. can purchase cellphone load to my nearly obsolette mobile phones, I can send the weekly allowance of my sister and brother every week, I have a job that sometimes I complained of,and so on…. that I sometimes I forget that there are some people in this world who is in the battle almost everyday just to make both ends meet. How Lucky I am compared to them that indeed i dont have the right to complained no matter what, for I have everything I need everyday.

I would like also to take note the volunters for having their precious time building home for less fortunate fellows. As of the moment I guess the project is 30 percent completed.( im not sure of it anyway hehehehe). The project is actually consist of 15 duplexes or 30 house units that will be soon awarded to benefeciaries. As our elders shared, this kind of project is not anymore considered as community building but as nation building. Have we ask our self how many people are getting hungry everyday? We need more volunteers and we need more sponsors. Anyone could help and it will be greatly appreciated. We and the benefeciaries cant pay you, but HE, will pay you more than we what you had given.

Want to feel what we feel? Want to feel the extreme hapiness inside?
Be a volunter!!!!
Be in Gawad Kalinga Project.
Give your little time.
Give care.
Help
and
Give love….

worry me... stressed me...

Just when I thought that everything is going well my way, I find myself thinking back to how it was a few years ago. Life is tough these days and it’s all my fault. No point in blogging about it in detail - I might just lose it.
Back then, life was a lot simpler. I went to school and play after that or watch television until the network signs off(we got no cable in our place, sigh). Back then life is uncomplicated. But what happened now? Is it all my fault? or maybe its just part of being mature? Or maybe I would accept that indeed its the reality that I havent seen when I was still younger and oh immature. Can anyone be exemted with something like this. Now, I have to worry about so many things - bills, career, social life, play dates, my siblings tuition fees and allowances, my future - name it and I’m probably worrying about it for quite sometime.
Maybe I just need another break, break from work, break from friends, break from cellphones. A time to spend with myself alone to reflect what the heck is this all about. Why am I worrying with this things to think that I had survived my daily battles well. Whats the point of worrying these if could manage it effortless. Or maybe I just need to change something in me. Perhaps more aware of the current situation and think more about the future. Perhaps set aside those worries. Perhaps this thing will pass…
I hope tomorrow will be better, and it will be better. I just know it.