I survived

As the year comes to an end, I had this mixed emotions. Happy, and still on the process of absorbing things that I guess happened too fast, too fast maybe because I give so much time to something that I tend to forget that life just don't revolve in a particular challenge, if there are challenges there are too many blessings. Life has a lot of surprises. It has a lot of twist.

But I guess, what I could really not forget are those things that help me defined as a person. I had been subjected to baseless judgement, which I guess everyone had been through. At some point the image that I had tried to protect was somehow tainted because of nasty rumors. But everything happens for a reason. I had learned to define myself well and composed according to the standard of being refined individual person. I was also subjected to character assasination. It work somehow. It get me distracted but luckily I won over it. I had developed my sense of focus and I had believed in myself this time that I never imagined before. I had a very low self esteem but because of what had happened I am now a person who overcome my weaknesses.

This year, I had determine my weakness. Thankful to the workshops I had attended and thankful to the brothers and sisters in my christian community for I had learned too much from each of them. Because of them I honestly and fully understand myself as a unique person. Weak and vulnerable. As they say, it requires courage before a person would finally acknowledge he is weak and imperfect. As Fr. Adlai says, you will never correct your wrongdoings if you don't have the humility to accept that you are wrong. Admission is a plays an important role.It all starts in here. As I had accepted and determine my weakness, I had done my best to overcome most if not all of it. I had overcome those because I admit to myself that I am weak, imperfect and vulnerable.

And I guess the best thing I learned this year is, despite all the bad things happened in my life, there is so many blessing that I should be thankful about. Those bad things were just spices in my challenging life. It helps me entertained, otherwise I get bored. All things happened had contributed a great plot in my life story. My life had lots of twists. Many unexpected things happened that makes my life more interesting, its a no boring life story. Maybe ten years from now and reading this entry, it will make me cry, cry in appreciation that God was so good to me despite of my imperfection. He is the Loving God that had never ask conditions for him to love and showered me with his enormous blessings.


for all the good and bad things happened, blessings and challenges I'm giving all the glory to my God. In his mighty name, I SURVIVED!!!

Fantasy in Us

Life is really full of complications. Everyone has its own way of dealing circumstances. All of us has its own point of views on a particular thing. Sometimes it conforms with other's ideas, and sometimes it is simply the opposite. And in this case, arguments arise. We cant forced someone to agree with us, as we cant, ourselves agree with them. But not because our ideas don't conform with one another, someone is wrong. It doesn't mean that you don't agree with someones point of view, they are wrong. This works in vice versa.

Really, life is too complicated. Life is a mystery. Life is a puzzle. Life is unpredictable. Life is to be live as it is. But who makes the life complicated? Is it really a nature of life? Or maybe its just us that makes life complicated? Or maybe its the environment where we live in, that makes it complicated? Whatever it is, the answer lies is in us. We cant answer this question for another person, for he may have different thoughts about it.

As time passes away. As I think that I am growing maturely, somehow I ask myself, I am really growing? or maybe I'm getting immature. There are things that you believe that are right but to others, its not. There are things that you fully understand and to some is like a puzzle. Lately, I realized that their are things I understand better, but it don't conform to someones idea. We argued about it, and to no avail, we ended up unresolved. She sticked to what she believed in, And I stand to mine. I had respected hers, never ask anyone for a back-up. Unlike what she did, she ask some of her friends and ended up working things and thoughts against me. I respected their collective opinions. I respected their collective thoughts. But as I can see, they don't do the same at me. I am still standing to what I thoughts is right. My ideas is never been influenced by other people. This is my stand and I believe in it. If they don't, that's fine, but they don't need to put the blame on me. I really believe and will ever be, to what is right. I am a believer of what is right. For some, they will never believe you, especially if they realized that you are right. Why is that? Why people have that unnecessary pride to admit they are wrong. They will never accept they are and tend to ask symphaty to others. And why there are few people who easily gives that symphaty to that false belief? Accepting that you are wrong is never been a sin ,and it will never be. Humility is what everyone needs to work things out. This also I need as I believe that they need the same.

Another lessons I learned lately is keeping silent. As they say "Silence is often misinterpreted, but never been misquoted". Yes, silence can send false and wrong impression, but on the other hand, it will never be misquoted. It may be misunderstood. And silence has also its disadvantages. If you need to break your silence to shed light on particular matter, it may be helpful. But make sure that you really will shed light.

Life is two faced. Life always leaves us multiple choices and sometimes, or most of the time, it leaves us only two. To be right or to be wrong. We can justify that we are right as we can justify our wrong ideas to be right. Sometimes, this is a world of make believe to some few people. Sometimes you believe too much on false ideas, sometimes you believe too much to yourself. Sometimes you believe too much on your fantasy, justify that's its true. You make fantasy into false reality. Thats the power of yourself. that's the power of false belief.
That is you....
That's us.............

Emo Tero 101

Life somehow sucks. paulit ulit na lang. masaya ngayun, bukas malungkot. stress free ngayun, bukas pasan mo ang daigdig. Whew, ang buhay nga naman, parang life. Pero sa kabilang banda, ang buhay na minsan ayoko, ay sya ring buhay na gusto ko. Ang gulo ng buhay. ang gulo ko... haaaaayyyyyyyyyy....

Pero bakit nga ba ang gulo ng buhay? Ako ba o tayo ang nagpapagulo nito, o yong mga taong nakapaligid sa atin? O baka naman talagang magulo lang ang buhay..... ang gulo. ang gulo gulo.

Kelan lang sobrang saya ko. Kelan lang para akong nasa cloud 9. Kelan lang, ang dami kong pangarap, ang daming gustong gawin, ang saya. Pero ngayon, eto ako nakaharap na naman sa computer, nakupo... at nag-iisip. Malungkot. Oo malamang alam nyo na yon. Pag nag ba-blog ako malungkot ako, pero minsan masaya din naman. Tama, masayang malungkot. Parang kelan lang ano? Ako na puno ng pangarap, pero ngayun isinasabuhay ko ang mga pangarap na yon. Pero bakit parang may kulang pa din? Parang hindi pa rin ako masaya? Kung sabagay, pano ka ba naman sasaya kung nangangarap ka pa din. Nangangarap na sana ...masaya ka na talaga...

Ang buhay? haaaaaayyyy. Oo nga pala, ang dami nangyari sa akin lately. Ang dami kong natutunan. Natuwa naman ako, pero don pa din ang lungkot. Lungkot dahil may natutunan ako pero ang iba ayaw tanggapin yon. Lungkot, dahil kung ano yung natutunan mong tama, mali sa pananaw ng iba dahil hassle ito sa kanila. Ano nga ba ang tama? Paano magiging tama ang isang bagay? Tama ba ito kung lahat ay sumasang-ayon sa iyo? O baka tama ito dahil napapakinabangan mo ito? Basta ang alam ko may tama ako. Ang lakas ng tama... adik ka bai....

Naku, eto naman ako. Magulo ang utak. Magulo ang isip. Hay, nagugulat pa ba kayo? Sa mga tunay na nakakakilala sa akin, malamang hindi na. Di ba nga ako si Emo Tero? Isa akong baliw. Wala lang, mahilig mag isip, at pahirapan ang sarili. Humarap sa salamin at kausapin ang ang imaheng aking nakikita. Mag reflection ba. Isipin kung tama nga ba ang mga bagay bagay na ginagawa ko. Minsan okey naman. Natutuwa din naman ako sa sarili ko, minsan pinapagilitan ko din sarili ko. At bago matapos ang drama ko sa harap ng salamin, sasabihin ko sa imaheng kaharap ko "praning ka na naman"... hoy....

Ang hirap no? Ang hirap magkunwari. Ang magkunwaring okey lang lahat kahit hindi. Ang hirap na magkunwaring malakas, pero lampa ka pala. Ang hirap magkunwaring manhid, kahit sa loob mo'y durog na durog ka na. Ang hirap makisama sa taong ayaw sa iyo pero kelangan mo pa ding gawin. Ang hirap din makisama sa taong ayaw mo pero kelangan mo pa ding pakisamahan.. ang labo. ang labo labo.... Haaaaaayyyyyy.... ang buhay. mahirap pero masaya.... Yan ang buhay ko. abnormal. abnormal ang buhay ko kaya ako abnormal na rin....

Pagmamahal? marami nyan. Marami ako nyan pero di ko lang lam kung kanikanino galing. Family? Friends? Basta alam ko maraming nagmamahal sa akin. Ngunit ang masaklap, ang mga taong mahal at nagmamahal sa'yo, sila din ang nakakasakit sa iyo. Hay naku. Sana naging manhid na lang ako. Sana bato na lang ang puso ko, o sana wala na lang talaga akong puso. Pero di naman pwedeng ganun. Malamang wala ang blog na 'to, wala ang drama na 'to kung wala akong puso. Malamang wala si Emo Tero.


Hay. sige na sa susunod ulit. magulo na ang mapurol kung utak. Masakit na ang puso kong manhid. Nagbabadya na naman ang mga luhang gustong kumawala. Ayoko neto. Ayoko ng drama... hahahaha. O aangal ka? sasabihin mo madrama ako? Hindi oy.... kaw lang yata, kasi napapadala ka sa mga inilahad ko dito. Wala toh. Walang wala sa buong nararamdaman ng puso ko. Intro pa lang to....

hanggang sa muli....