the process have to go....

I'm ALMOST broken....

that sunday evening,

when i thought everything was perfectly working.

when everything seems to be in perfect place.

when everything seems to be just perfect.

but i was wrong, so wrong for that matter.

That sunday morning, am actually excited for I had planned everything for that day. First on the list, accompany someone (a very nice person) to visit his mothers grave. and then go home and take a short nap and will proceed to Balabag School for the CLP and attend mass after,and then, go home and sleep again, and finally wake up and go to work.

Well, the day go as it planned. What bothers me is, when I finally home from church, I was bothered by someone, and somethin. I wasn't feeling better that time. I know back in my mind that something might happen, but I had set aside that thought. I just attributed it, that maybe I'm just not on a perfect condition that's why I'm paranoid of thinking many things, worries in short. Thinking more on other people and not me. I had also think of my health problem that needs to be addressed soon. As i said, I had set aside those worries.

As I'm about to sleep (that was almost 8 pm and have to wake up at 9 pm for work). That's where I had realized that indeed, something has really gone wrong. Something is really wrong, that needs to be addressed so soon. But how would I, if I really don't know what to do? How would you address a problem, if you really keep denying on your self that there's really a problem. How would you addressed your worries if in the first place, your mind thinks about the people you love, should come first. (sigh) How selfish I am if I take care myself first than my love ones. How selfish I am if, I know inner pains should really be addressed soon. So soon, before I realized that something and someone in me is lost, and worst, someone in me is dead. or even worst, me is dead.

Ever since my mother died, I had conditioned and believe in myself that I'm strong. Strong enough for everything. And somehow,time comes that I was caught off-guard. There are times that I am a failure to others eyes, but I still believe I've just did what should be done. If others see it as a failure, at least I've done what I think is right. had not stepped on someone.(that's what I believe so). Somehow, when you do things the right way, you hurt people on the process. Sometimes when you fight for what you know is right, you may hurt other peoples egos. The keyword there is HURT. If on a certain process you think you hurt others, you should always think that along the way, you was hurt. Hurt, because you think of them first before you. Hurt because somehow you deprive something for you. Hurt because something hurts, just hurt.

Back to that evening. My concern had been in me for a couple of weeks already. Or I guess its months already. I cant do nothing about it, or maybe I can do something about it, but I had set my priorities already. Few months from now, my top priority will be over. I guess I could attend to my self concerns more. I just hope that is not too late for me. But for now, I have to be happy as life goes on. As long as there is life, I should and will be happy. There's no other way to live life. Just live by it. Just live happy. There are so many reasons to be happy. If you find one reason to make you sad and mad, look for two or more reasons to make you happy. In that way you live the life on a happy basis. Deal more on a happy aspects of life. Deal more on good memories. As i always said, there is no perfect life, but we can always make perfect memories on our imperfect lives.

If you find no more reasons to be happy, that's the best time to face all worries you had left behind. Its all a matter of timing. If there are still more reasons to be happy, that's not yet the time to face your uncertainties, after all your uncertain. But for now, I have to be happy. Yes, I have worries that I need to addressed so soon, but I believe its not yet the time. Yes, i must be happy. Happy because I had a day in everyday. My days is not always perfect, it don't always go as it is planned, but I must be happy. I will always choose to be happy despite of so many reasons to be sad. I choose to be happy and live. If someday, I find no more reasons to be happy, I still have those happy memories. In that way I will never ran out of happy reasons to live.

If someday, I don't have anymore reasons to be happy,

If someday, I don't have access to those happy memories any more,

It don't mean, that I will have a sad life.

It only means, GoODbye.

Goodbye not to anyone,

But goodbye to worldly happiness.

Happiness that accompanied by pains and heartaches.

Goodbye because I am welcomed by someone and to somewhere else.

GOoD bye, because someone is waiting.

waiting for something better and brighter....

GoODbye..............

ஷா வதோ?

kelangan masaya ang blog na 'to

sino nga ba si Sha?

Sa mga magulang nya, isang mapagmahal at masunuring anak;
Sa mga kapatid nya, isang mapagkalingang kapatid;
Sa mga students nya, isang matalino at maunawaing titser;
Sa mga friends nya, isang maasahang kaibigan;
Sa taga SFC, si sis Sha, laging present at laging active. laging handa


Kay harold? sino sya?
Lupet men, lastimax, this is it.
Sya lang naman ay isang friend, bestfriend, big sis (and sometime little sis, pasaway din kasi to pag tinoyo), ka-trip sa kahit anong bagay, kausap (yong may sense ha? yong tipo kami lang dalawa magkakaintindihan), kadebatehan ko (pro o anti, kaya nya yan), kadramahan, katsika, kakosa, katropa, at madami pa..... ika nga, name it, at swak na swak sya don...

Pero, panu nga ba nag-krus ang aming landas?
Kasi, dahil kay Papa Lord. Beacause of the same community we shared together. Naniniwala akong pinagtagpo nya ang dalawang taong praning (owh yeah, praning talaga kami, a level higher lang si sha sa akin.), pinagsama ang dalawang taong werdo, pinaglapit ang mga may topak, plus dinagdagan pa ng maraming praning at werdong nakapaligid sa amin. Kaya tuloy pag sinumpong ng topak, kapraningan at kawerdohan, RIOT na. Anong masasabi ng mga kakosa natin sa maximum security compound ng Bilibid sa Munti pag si Sha ang nagpasimuno sa RIOT. Di papipigil, tawa kung tawa, iyak kung iyak. Owh yeah, di naman laging masaya ang napag-uusapan namin eh. Lastimakz, Marunong din naman kaming mag drama. VERSATILE yata kami noh! iyak, tawa, drama, comedy, asaran, marunong kami non. Kung pwede nga lang mag artista ang mga kagaya namin, nek-nok na ang mga sikat na artista ngayon (hahahahaha) pwede mo nang sabihin, tumabi ka Kim Chui, pack-up ka Gerald. Pwedeng ilampaso si John lloyd, si Bea Alonzo pwede nang mag retire. Yon nga lang ayaw naming sumikat. Okey na ang ganito. Simple. Walang intriga, walang isyu. Ayaw lang talaga naming mag artista,(sige na nga aminin ko na lang, kulang kami sa Face Value(hehehehehe). Pero wag namang magalit ang mga fans ni kim, gerald, jhon lloyd at bea ha, pwede pa rin naman silang mag trabaho eh. Payag naman kami ni sha na sila ang kontrabida sa pilikula namin, supporting roles bah. kung di kaya, mag kontrabida, tatanggapin na rin naman namin sila kahit mag PA sila sa amin. whew!!!!

Okey enough na..... seryoso naman tayo. (pero hindi drama ha). Si SHA. yan ang kausap ko lagi. pag subra kong saya, alam nya. pag subrang lungkot, nandyan sya. Yan si SHA. A friend in need, a shoulder to cry on, a helping hand. Wag ka lang manghingi ng pasa load, di lang ako sure. Di ko pa kasi nasusubukan humingi sa kanya ng pasa load eh hehehehehe, pero pwede mo yang utangan, hahahahaha. Shock absorber ko yan, and sometimes shock donor din hahahahaha,

Una ko syang nakilala sa SFC. Mag kapatid kasi kami sa isang christian community. Matatandaan ko pa nong may practice kami ng sayaw. Sya ang matyagang nagbibigay ng koment nya sa aking pagsasayaw. I was not born to be a dancer eh. (am just born to have the cutest face in my mothers eyes) She could throw me this line "ang panget" kong sumayaw. hahahahaha, pero I never get offended. dahil don medyo naayos ang aking mga moves. di man sya talagang matatawag na "d'moves"ng isang dancer, pwede na. para di naman ako mapahiya.


Una kaming nagbonding don sa dati nilang school. Practice yon ng sayaw. Maulan at malamig non. Akalain mo ba namang inoperan nya ako ng ice cream. pero wag ka, naenjoy ko ang malamig na ice cream sa ganoon kalamig na panahon. Mas naging close kami dahil sa kokology. Masayang laro para malaman mo ang pagkakatulad at pagkakaiba ninyo. Don ata kami nagkagaanan ng loob. Kasama namin non si Mark, Merz at Lorz (na natulog lang. pero okey lang sya naman nagdala ng food non eh)


Si Sha.

Cowboy. Game. Cool. Pagawa mo na lahat, kaya nya. (wag lang pag-isplitin)
di ata matatapos ang blog na ito kung ikwento ko sa inyo lahat nang nasa isip ko ngayon. Sa maikling panahon na aming pinagsamahan, naisip ko tuloy, ang dami na pala naming ginawa. Ang daming moments nang buhay ko na kasama sya. Ang daming drama at ang daming comedy. Daming asaran. Madaming kalokohan. haayss babalik na toh ng manila. mami-miss ko toh ng todo todo, to the highest level ba. Selfish man ang dating pero pinag pray ko kay Papa Lord na sana maging okey na lahat sa kanya, para di na umuwi ang timang na to sa manila. Pero wala eh, Papa Lord say's 'nakaplano na lahat".Sino ba naman ako para umangal kay Papa Lord di ba? Andun si hapinness na taga maynila eh, si hapinness na taga Boracay papasama namin sa kanya, Para todo na ang kasiyahan ng taong ito. Taong nagbigay nag masayang alaala sa nakasalamuha nya dito sa Isla Boracay.

Sha, sa iyong pagbalik sa Maynila, hangad ko ang iyong kaligayahan. Sana sumama sa iyo si Happiness. Sana sa muli nating pagkikita, ganon ka pa din(ka cute). Masayahin at maasahang kaibigan. I will treasure our friendship forever. Kaw ang bespren ko, kaw ang ate ko at ikaw din ang bunso kong sis. Wag mo kalimutan, si ahwod andito lang. a call and text away. pag di ako nakapagreply, pwede pasaload? hahahahaha