hit me big time

Tomorrow will be a special day. Well i hope so. I will be a year older and time for me to get depressed once more. I just don't know why I am like this every time my birthday comes.

No plans at all. I just don't know how my birthday will go. Maybe it would be just like any ordinary day. No special in short. Perhaps I will just celebrate it alone and reflect to what had happened to me for the past 25 years and prepare myself for another year for me to get depressed, again

Jailed. That's how I feel. Prisoned to the things I am doing. Lock in the place I don't want to, and be with people that don't understands me. Maybe they do. Maybe they pretend that they understands me. Really. Maybe they pretend that they know me. Maybe I just believe in them. Pretend that I believe in them. The hell I care though. Life must go on....

I feel that I want to end this. I'm up to it. Enough???! Suicide? Hell No, the sweetest way to commit suicide is to endure all the pains while living. For me that's best. And It works a bit. A piece of me is dying gradually....

I'm dead. Part of me to be exact. A piece of me is not me anymore. I killed myself, part of myself. I killed myself for me to be reborn. Killed myself so a new me will be appreciated by people, and even not. Enough to those times of trying my best to show my best. Enough to it. Ill just be the REAL me. The RIGHTEOUS me. Who cares if you don't like the real me though. Do i like you? hahahahaha. Perhaps Ill just do whatever I think is right. Enough of thinking other people. Ill just think of myself, for a happy me. Selfish it may sound but I swear its not. You wont agree? then maybe you too is selfish.....

Enough of Enough...

Life must go on....

It would only stop if the hell and heaven closes...

Enough of dramas,

Enough of this blog....

My Gawad Kaling Experience

Recently I and some of my brothers and sisters in Singles For Christ Boracay had voluntered in a Gawad Kalinga Project (GK) ( a housing project) in Fatima New Washington here in Aklan. It is the first project of its kind here in our province spearheaded by the Gawad Kalinga Foundation and Couples for Christ and its sub-communities.

Im still in euphoria even though few days had passed when I voluntered in such project and still looking forward of coming back to such place. As everybody know, I work on a graveyard shift and few minutes after I got home, I just had a quick fix of myself and proceded to the meeting place we agreed upon. we arrive in the site a bit late for it took more than two hours to travel to the site from boracay. (not to mention, we stop by the towns market to buy food for our lunch) After we turned over to Tita Zen our foods for cooking, we started what we planned to do. Its almost 11 am i guess and our skin hates the sun. Hay sayang ata yong gluta and silka( free ads hehehehe). A volunter even shared a story that a certain volunter told themjokingly na ang one year nyang pinaghirapang magpaputi sa isang araw lang sa GK project umitim na. hahahahaha. So after an hour or two, we had our lunch in an improvised table. We had also our improvised glass made of soda bottles. See, Filipinos can survive anywhere. We had a great food. Its like a fiesta, everything is serve in the table and you can really feel the spirit of sharing from everyone.

It is a realization on my part that indeed Im so blessed. I could eat at least 3 meals a day. can purchase cellphone load to my nearly obsolette mobile phones, I can send the weekly allowance of my sister and brother every week, I have a job that sometimes I complained of,and so on…. that I sometimes I forget that there are some people in this world who is in the battle almost everyday just to make both ends meet. How Lucky I am compared to them that indeed i dont have the right to complained no matter what, for I have everything I need everyday.

I would like also to take note the volunters for having their precious time building home for less fortunate fellows. As of the moment I guess the project is 30 percent completed.( im not sure of it anyway hehehehe). The project is actually consist of 15 duplexes or 30 house units that will be soon awarded to benefeciaries. As our elders shared, this kind of project is not anymore considered as community building but as nation building. Have we ask our self how many people are getting hungry everyday? We need more volunteers and we need more sponsors. Anyone could help and it will be greatly appreciated. We and the benefeciaries cant pay you, but HE, will pay you more than we what you had given.

Want to feel what we feel? Want to feel the extreme hapiness inside?
Be a volunter!!!!
Be in Gawad Kalinga Project.
Give your little time.
Give care.
Help
and
Give love….

worry me... stressed me...

Just when I thought that everything is going well my way, I find myself thinking back to how it was a few years ago. Life is tough these days and it’s all my fault. No point in blogging about it in detail - I might just lose it.
Back then, life was a lot simpler. I went to school and play after that or watch television until the network signs off(we got no cable in our place, sigh). Back then life is uncomplicated. But what happened now? Is it all my fault? or maybe its just part of being mature? Or maybe I would accept that indeed its the reality that I havent seen when I was still younger and oh immature. Can anyone be exemted with something like this. Now, I have to worry about so many things - bills, career, social life, play dates, my siblings tuition fees and allowances, my future - name it and I’m probably worrying about it for quite sometime.
Maybe I just need another break, break from work, break from friends, break from cellphones. A time to spend with myself alone to reflect what the heck is this all about. Why am I worrying with this things to think that I had survived my daily battles well. Whats the point of worrying these if could manage it effortless. Or maybe I just need to change something in me. Perhaps more aware of the current situation and think more about the future. Perhaps set aside those worries. Perhaps this thing will pass…
I hope tomorrow will be better, and it will be better. I just know it.

reality bites

had keep this post private for a
while for it had some sensitive case and people involve are on my friends list,
but somehow i would not be real and true to myself if I keep this on private
whereas my primary purpose is to let this people know what I feel

I just learned something significant these past few days. Had learned that no matter how good life is, it is sometimes unfair. They say that when you know the truth, Go for it and stand by it.
When you know something real, and when you know something true, and the people around you keeps denying what the truth is, What will you do?. When such TRUTH will make people condemn you, What will you do? Will you still embraced the truth and stand real, or will you go with the flow just to be “in” in the crowd you are with? Not because everyone around you is doing it, its the real, true and the right thing. People tend to go with the flow and do what other people do, so as to avoid to be condemn by others.“Pakisama” in filipino term, i guess which make the Philippines and Filipinos stuck to where we are right now, a struggling 3rd world country. Where is now Atty. Frank Chavez’s famous line “stand by your principle.”? Atty Frank Chavez delivered this in one of his speech…..
“no matter what the need is, do not steal;
no matter what the price is, do not cheat;
no matter what the punishment is, do not lie;
death first before dishonor stand by your principle”Lately, I just realized that life sometimes and somehow is unfair. Somehow, people can manipulate the real situation. Had this people around me that really earned my disbelief. Somehow, they all know what is the real score to their concerns or should I say, their problems. But when a mediator tried to fix what their concerns are, only one stand to where the truth is. “kumbaga, nilaglag nila ang isa.” Poor little girl who was actually telling the truth. Ang ending, the one telling the truth had earned the bad price. Sya pa ang naging masama, for her so called friends had manipulated the situation. And poor little “mediator” that she thinks that she had fix the concerns of the people around her. Shame on her. I dont believe in you nor I will not waste time to disagree with you. It wont make sense though. You belive in yourself too much and you belive that you always do thing in flying colors. Dont advertise what you are doing, just let people recognize it. Be sensible at times please.(am begging this not for me, but for you to be respected by others. Yes respect that I know youre not aware of) Unconciously you are hurting other peoples feelings….
Telling the truth of course will set us free. Thats tried and tested formula. But sometimes keeping mum of something makes a lot of sense. Letting people around you, know the truth is the best formula you can ever have. Letting them discover the real thing first hand is a cool thing to do. Letting them fall and letting them rise is cooler. Let them know what you know, by themselves. Its not selfish giving them the oppurtunities to get the scars you have, just to let them experience of being in reality and in truth first hand. Reality and truth is sometimes harsh, but when it comes from the people you believe in and from the people you love dearly, it is alway meant to be helpful….

April 8, 2009
this blog is too safe I guess that 6
of my friends here in friendster texted/ask me If they were the one involve
above. For those who ask me, its not you guys. Kainis nga eh, DEADMA lang ang
pinapatamaan ko…. hahahaha

the lemonade I made

When I ask God for an apple, He threw me some lemons. Somehow I couldn’t understand why, but over the time, I had knew it, that, I deserve more. As HE had threw me lemons, I just accepted it wondering why lemons and not apples. Though I don’t have any concrete plans as to what to do with those lemons, I just keep it, keep it still wondering why lemons. The next day I woke up, I had this bright idea. Why not make some lemonade? and so the lemonade was the best thing I really had that day.
Above really did not happen. (sigh) I just want to show that, somehow, we couldn’t really get all what we wanted. That’s life. It would be unfair if someone or anyone of us will get everything. If you get lemons instead of apples, make some lemonades. Make the most out of everything we get. Indulge ourselves to what and where we are. Who knows, that’s the last lemon we could ever get. Make lemonade and enjoy it while you can…..
As you planned your life, Am sure that somehow, things did not turned out the way you had figured it out. Everyone had this experience I guess. You want something and you get something different. That’s what we call experience. Experience is what you get when you did not get what you wanted. See?, that might help you a lot. Experience is the best teacher though.
As I experienced, I had ask so many things but I did not get everything. As I go older (and hopefully, mature) I had really realized that if I get all the apples I wanted, I may not be the person I am right now. I had learned because of that, and embrace the fact, that I cant really get what all I wanted, yet It teach me to be humble enough and surrender myself to HIS will.
Just go on…..
Live life to the fullest….
Live life with your own style…
Can’t get apples and theres lemon?
Make a lemonade…..

dont know me....

if you want to know me, don’t look at the color of my skin, not on how funny I look like, neither how serious I might seem…not the smile in my picture……
#####
if you want to know me, dont look at the clothes I wear, not on stuffs I used, neither through my gadgets…….
######
If you want to know me, dont look at me as harold, dont look at me as your friend nor dont look at me as your enemy…..
#####
if you really want to know me, see me beyond what your eyes can see. Feel what I feel,know how good I am, and please also know how bad I am…..
#####
If you want to know me, know how I love my family, know how I love to be love, know how I feel, or simply
just feel my depth………..
######
If you really want to know me, look at me, not with your eyes…
for you will never know me,…… I said never….
and I will again said it…. NEVER!!!
Instead, look at me through your heart….
for in such… you will know that I am HAROLD, the one that you really dont know.
Know me….,
know harold for what you dont know,
know me …..(sigh)….
know me beyond what you already know….

be yourself...

Choose to be right than being nice. To be right is the safest thing to do. To be nice requires a lot of effort and will just give you a bundle of stress. Lets admit it, we can’t please everyone. So why exert much effort just to be nice with the people around.Be yourself and just be right. By simply being right in everything you do no matter how complicated it is, is enough. No matter how people will hate you as long as your on the right track, let them hate you….. forever if they want (hahahahahaha) at the end of the day they will realized what they should realize.
Silly people is everywhere and shit happens everywhere. Just be yourself and be the best as you can be, and above all choose to be right. There are too many kind of people around, from mga intregerot’ intregera all the way down to mga tsismoso’t tsismosa. See? there are different kind of people, and being with this kind of people is not bad as long as you know yourself and your making the right thing.
Not because everyone is doing it, thats the right thing. Somehow going against the flow is better. for somehow, the the flow of water in the river flows backward, maybe you can observe it during high tide on the river near the seas, where waters goes back. See, dont go with the flow. make a difference.
be yourself and try to be right.
be yourself because thats the right thing to do
be yourself, not because you want to be nice with the people around
be yourself, bacause its you….
not perfect but real!!!!

doubt... lost... confused

enlighten me….. I hope that after I write this blog, I would feel better… Im living but Im dead. My life lately sucks. I felt lonely. I felt empty. I felt alone. I lost my drive. As positive kind of person I know I am, now I doubt If I still know myself. Life is boring lately. It seems that everyday is almost the same. Work home routine. I never enjoyed such life like this. I thought its the life I want years ago. But now, I doubt it. Got some issues within me. Got good people around me. Got good friends. Got my family whom, I know loves me. Got those who is always willing to help me and reach out for me. But, Ive got the problem. The problem is me. It is not easy for me to ask help. It seems so hard for me to even share my real feelings. It seem so hard. I cant blame them if they really don’t have any idea of what I feel, of what I am and of who I am. They would usually see me as the clown of the group. The would never understand me. “abnormal bai ko” hehehe Life sucks. Life is boring. Life is sad. I dont know what my problem is, or maybe because I had my life managed lately, im looking for a what they call “sakit ng ulo”. Please make me batok guys. I want to scream on the top of my lungs. I want to run to no where. I hope I could regain my drive, my inspiration. I thought I was strong. I thought I am. Or maybe I just make myself believe that I am strong, that I am tough. But now? I doubt it. Enlighten me Lord. I don’t want to be like this. I put up a wall lately against everyone. I want to live in my own world. I want to resolved all those issues that am feeling guilty of. I want to be alone. Alone that solitude is my sole companion for me to visualize what I am going through right now. Last quarter of 2008 really sucks me and I still had the hang over until this early days of 2009. Life lately sucks but its not forever, I know it…. I am lost. Lost within myself. Lost within my own world, that I, myself created. Its I guess a stage that I don’t know If I really deserve. I know I had been a good christian, but why I feel this way?. I get rid of my negative side, Tried my best to be the best that I could ever be, and in the process I get lost. Yes, I lost myself. I left myself confused…..I left myself in doubt… I had stayed away to good people. I don’t know why. I had stayed away from good friends. I just don’t want to be attached with them. I know myself better than them, If I consider you as my friend, you will always be my friend. I know I had good friends, but lately those friends hurt me unintentionally. I hate myself. I should understand them in the first place why they acted like that, I should understand them why they misjudge me. I should understand them because they are my friends, right? I should understand them the way I understand my parents no matter what they will say, at the end of the day I could still realize that they are, indeed right. I hate myself. I hate that I could not understand them. I hate myself. I hate me. Enlighten me please… This will not be forever, right?… I am not asking anyone for help… But I am begging in YOU. yes LORD only YOU

ouch... i had too much

Too much of everything is not good. Really. But how may it be? I have lots, I had enough, but I don’t have everything. I don’t have everything I need and it makes me happy and sad. Too much that makes me happy and too much that makes me sad… ouch….
Too much love. Yah, I have too much love in my heart (di nga lang halata), love for myself and love for the people around, believe me or not, but I have much love that I can make myself happy and sad. I have much love that I can make the people around me whom I cared, to be happy and, yes sad. Yes, It makes me happy that because of love I can make people happy. But on the other hand because of love I make myself sad. I deprive myself the happiness which I deserve because I always think other peoples (my love ones) concerns than thinking of my personal concerns. That’s how i love. They should come first before I think of myself. I am happy for that and So I am sad for it. Somehow, I don’t know who is me. I thought doing everything I can, to make people happy will also make me happy.Yes, it makes me happy and sad…
too much hatred. Yes I admit It. I have lots of it. ( i guess everyone have it) It had been in me since I could never recall. It has been in me, since time immemorial. I believe so that everyone have it, and it takes a special kind of courage to admit that we have it. Human as we are, we are not exempted to feel anger, even animals do feel anger. Its not actually bad to have hatred and anger in us, whats makes it bad is we allowed ourselves to be controlled by this negative feelings, rather than we should be the one to control this feelings. Yes everyone feels hatred, everyone feels anger and too much of it is no good…. ouch too much hatred…. I will overcome it…
Too much care and concern. Yes I care too much for my family. I care too much to the people I love. Everything I do is for them. I want to give them nothing but the best. I want them to be happy more than they can realize. I want them to be happy more than me. I want them the best in everything. But somehow because of giving them the best, they tend to forget that I too, deserves the best from them, and it makes me disappointed everytime they dont hit my expectation. too much care, too much concern and too much expectation is no good…
Too much trust. Yes I trust too much to the people around me. I trust too much to those “friends” I don’t even know if they are real friends. I give them the trust that I dont even know if they deserve such. I trust too much that sometime it fights me back. But not everyone are not worthy of trust of course. I still have people in my circle that I can really trust afterall. I can tell them my dirtiest secret without them judging my personality. hahahaha

sino ang baliw?

A Famous author (one of my favorite) Paulo Coelho had mentioned in one of his book “Insane always believe in first impression” I pause for a while. Stop and start realizing what he really means. Tried googling bout the line. And found out according to studies. Insane people always believe on what they see.(naniniwala din kaya silang may utak sila kahit di nila ito nakikita) Ang lalim. At first I was struggling to understood,(kunwari iniintindi kew!!) maybe because I am normal or maybe I am not? hahahahah Kaya di ako makarelate? Sabi nga nya (P. COelho on his book Veronica Decides to Die) ang mga baliw, ang tangi nilang pinaniniwalaan any kung ano lang ang nakikita nila….

Baliw na ba ang ganon? Paano na ang aking mga kakilalang JUDGEMENTAL BY NATURE? Yong mga taong ang tanging basehan para kilalanin ang isang tao ay kung ano lang ang kanilang nakikita. Yong tipong panlabas lang ang sa kanila ay mahalaga. Lampa, malamya, panget, tabingi ang ilong o di kayay lips, pimples na mala chocolate hills ang dami, nunal na parang tatalunin ang Mt. Everest sa laki, matang animoy isang headlight ng isang magarang sasakyan, katawang akala mo ay balyenang umahon sa karagatan o kayay katawang napagkakamalang panungkit. Pasaway. mabait. Makulit. Paano kung ang lahat ng ito ay pakitang tao? Paano kung front lamang ang mga ito. Paano kung ang lahat ng ito ay imahe lang ng isang tao na sinadyang gawin para itago ang tunay nilang saloobin o di kaya'y para itago ang kanilang pagkatao. Paano kung ito’y imahe lamang para di kaawaan, para mahalin, o para kunin ang simpatya ng nakapaligid sa kanya. Paano kung imahe lamang itong sinadya para maging “in” sa lipunang kanilang ginagalawan, lipunang sadyang mapang husga, lipunang mapang hamak. Paano kung ang nakikita natin ay talagang sinadya dahil yon ang gusto nilang ipakitang imahe. Imaheng pilit kinukubliaan ang tunay na nararamdaman, tunay na saloobin, tunay na nilalaman ng puso at isipan.

For those who are often misinterpreted because of their actions. Yong mga taong na judge na sa kung ano ang nakita sa kanila. “pastilan dude, its not your loss”. Di yon kawalan. Kawalan yon ng mga taong judgemental by nature. Kawalan, dahil hindi nila binigyan ng pagkakataon para lalo kang makila. Kawalan dahil sa likod ng pagiging malamya, may tapang kang sa puson este puso'y di maitatago. Kawalan, dahil sa likod ng iyong kahinaan, ang lakas moy di matatawaran.(parang bagyong Ondoy lang) Kawalan, dahil sa likod ng pagiging masaya, sa likod ng mga tawa, may pait at sakit sa puso’y pilit ikinukubli.(emotera lang pala) Kawalan, dahil sa likod ng pagiging pasaway, isang seryosong indibidwal ang iyong itinatago, Indibidwal na di hamak na normal sa kanilang mag-isip.(kala mo lang yon) Kawalan dahil sa imaheng nakikita nila, at doon ka kinilala, di maikukubli na ikaw ay taong nag-iisa sa mundo. Nag-iisang nilalang na natatangi at may unique na indibidwalidad. Nilalang na gaya din nla ay parehong mahal at nilikha ni Papa LOrd.

Baliw. Baliw. Sino ang baliw?. Yong tao bang mababaw ang basehan para kilalanin ang isang tao? O baliw bang maituturing ang taong pilit gumagawa ng imahe para itago ang tunay na sila. Sino ang baliw? Ikaw? Ako? Sila? o baka naman tayo? San ka dito? Nasan ka maruja?...

Baliw. baliw. Sino ang baliw? (lasing? ang kuleetttt eh)Ako bang nagsulat nito? O baka ikaw na nagbabasa. O baka naman iyang nasa tabi mo at pilit nakikibasa sa kabaliwang ito. O baka naman ang taong di pa nakakabasa nito?

Baliw, Baliw. sino ang baliw?(ulyanin mode)

hahahaha (tawa ng malakas sabay iyak)

Baliw!!!
Basilio......
Crispin......

Balut......
Penoy.....

(at dahil feel na feel mo ang pagsigaw sa utak mo ng huling bahagi, hala ka, baka baliw ka na?)
wahahahahahaha!!!!

buhay na walang saysay

hay buhay.
kumplikado. magulo. masaya. bat ba ganito?
minsan ba nagtanong na tayo sa mga sarili natin kung anong meron sa buhay at pilit tayong lumalaban? anong meron at kelangan nating lampasan ang mga pagsubok? Minsan ba naiisip na nating sumuko? Yong tipong ayoko na, ganito at ganito na lang lage, nakakasawa. Sumagi na ba sa isipan natin, anong meron sa kabilang buhay? doon kaya magiging masaya tayo? Masubukan kaya…
Life is really tough though. No matter how we try our best to make our life better, and plan things so everything will be in good place yet, we screwed up. Screwed up because nagkamali tayo ng diskarte. Di ba pwedeng lahat perpekto. D ba pwedeng mapagbigyan man lang tayo kahit isang araw na perpekto, yong tipong wala tayong ibang iniisip kundi ang pagsapit na naman ng gabi, matulog at para harapin ang panibagong bukas. Bukas na di natin alam kung anong meron at ano ang pedeng mangyari. Bukas na maaring di na masusundan pa.
Not everything is meant to be, but everything is worth a try. Takot? Ito ba ang pumipigil sa atin para gawin ang bagay na gusto nating gawin? Ang bagay na alam nating makapagpapasaya sa atin yet we deprive ourselves dahil takot tayo. Kelan pa kaya tayo magiging matapang para sa ating mga sarili? Kelan tayo maninindigan para sa sarili natin? Kelan natin hahayaan na maging masaya naman tayo. Kelan tayo magbibigay ng saya sa taong mahal natin? Sa mga taong nakapaligid sa atin, kung tayo mismo ay hindi masaya. Ika nga “It should start in ourselves” Pano mo ibibigay ang isang bagay na alam mong wala ka. Ang pagiging masaya ba ay pwedeng hiramin para maipahram din naman natin sa taong gusto nating maging masaya? Pwede ba itong bilhin para pede ding maipamigay? Sana oo ang sagot. Sana ganon kadali ang buhay. Sana….
Pano ba magiging masaya? Makuntento sa kung anong meron tayo? Sapat na ba iyon? Oo, ang sabi nga nila. Makuntento tayo sa kung anong meron tayo. Nangangahulugan ba ito na di na tayo pwedeng maghangad? Sabi din nila, di masama ang maghangad. Nagiging masama lang ito, kung ang hinahangad natin ay labis. Yong tipong, we dont deserve na. Pano natin malalaman kung ano para sa atin? Know your worth. And you will know what you deserve. Sana huwag nating hayaan ang mga bagay na meron tayo na matakpan ng mga hinahangad natin. Dahil kung alam natin kung pano maging masaya sa kung anong meron tayo, yon, doon magiging masaya na tayo. Pero sana ganon kadali…
Pamilya, Kaibigan at Diyos. Kanino tayo tatakbo? Sino ang pwedeng tumulong sa atin. Kanino tayo magtatanong kung may saysay ba ang buhay natin. Sino ang pwedeng gumising sa atin sa mga panahong nag de-daydreaming tayo. Sino ang dapat na nauuna. Dyos? Pamilya? Kaibigan? Sino? Sino ang sasagot ng tanong na ito? Tayo? Oo tayo lang ang pwedeng sumagot nito. Mahirap ba o madali… hay buhay…..
Sana bawat isa sa atin magkaroon ng saysay. Yong tipong alam natin ang dapat, yong alam natin ang tama at mali. Yong tipong kaya nating manindigan sa tama. yong principle of fairness and being righteous ang laging basehan. Hay sana…. sana ganon lang kadali. sana.
sana ikaw na bumabasa nito, oo ikaw, huwag mu namang sabihing walang saysay ang buhay ko. Sana wag mong sabihing walang saysay ang buhay mo. Sana wag mong sabihin na walang saysay ang taong nakapalaligid sayo. Huwag sana.
Sana….

live life to the foolest?

I’m practically living my life the way I want. I’m practical. I live in reality. That’s why, I guess its not so painful if I suffer. That’s life, and that’s reality.

But it does not mean that I don’t care the people around me. Of course they matters. Of course they are love and of course they are important. Its just that we really have to be wise enough on living our individual life. remember the line “Life is what we make it”? Live on reality. Deal with everything that comes on our way.

Somehow, dreaming is good, (yah it is always good, ryt kuya Jun, hahahaha) we don’t pay for it. But still we should be awake and make those dreams come true. WE should do something to make those dream materialize, if we do otherwise, those will remain dreams. A dream that’s is useless. Useless because we don’t make happen.

Live your life as you want it. Don’t live it because of any external factors. Don’t live it as how people want to see it. Live it because it yours. Live it as real as you can. Don’t live on foolishness. Live life to the fullest.

moving on

I know some people who cant moved on. Are they haunted by their past? I guess no. They are just not wiling to let go of things…
Letting go and moving on work for each other. We cant move on if we don’t let go of any emotions that we hold deep inside. This, is a hard process. As hard that I could understand because I have been in that stage. A phase in my life that I felt nothing. I felt empty, I feel lost. Lost within myself.
Lost in myself. Yah, I had been in this stage, stage that I think no one cares for me. A stage that no one listened at me, no one listened because I told to no one. I thought no one loves me, no one loves me because I did not give people a chance to love me. My heart is closed. Closed that made me harder to move on. I had set norms, norms that I shouldn’t set…
I really don’t dwell on the past that well. Not because I have encounters bad things, of course whats in the past are worth looking back, no matter how good or bad it is, because if not of what I had been through, I may not be the person I am now. Its my choice. I choose not to dwell because sometimes if we keep looking back, we forget the present. We forget the PRESENT that is God’s gift to us. We forget that there too many good thing at present because we kept looking back. I leave all those worries behind and concentrate on present. I live my life on a day by day basis.
they say, that we can only move on if we totally accept things. Acceptance is the key? Yes maybe its true. Some will disagree because got different view on this, but for me its true, really true. I had move on, on too many issues that bothers me in the past because I learned to accept things as it is. I learned that life is not perfect.I guess thats the biggest realization of mine. Life is not Perfect. I decided that I will leave my life as I want it to be and not as what people want my life to be. No one could dictates me. After-all,…. Its my life. A life that’s not perfect but a life that I want and the life I made, life that I had choosen because this is the life I deserve…..Life that I LOVE…not perfect but good